carmensita.

if you haven't seen this video, its probably worth watching if you dig devendra banhart and mystical women such as the beautiful ms. natalie portman and the very abstract kat dennings prancing around with vibrance and character. otherwise fuck, forget it, i know you get as lazy as i do when i see utube vids on blogs. speaking of blogs, at the moment i feel a bit discomforted and embarrassed being reminded that i have a blog, that i now update so often, and that i hope does not turn into a compulsive disorder. well im more nervous about this just because its somewhat dangerous feeding you my in and output on everything i plan and think and create and do and dont do but i guess it can be good in a way to express myself humorously without having to deal with that awkward silence or it can maybe add some personality in some departments i lack such as being a bit uncommunicative in person. unless expressed on canvas or paper, i usually just like to stash my thoughts and ideas to myself because of the fear of losing it from those originality bandits but i guess thats the whole intention of a blog and the reason why im actually committing to this which makes me somewhat of a hypocrite or a big pretender. so i guess i may be crossing over and i will no longer sensor myself for the sake of your pleasure and im no longer making sense to myself so ill stop rambling, its just since ive been back my inner senses have been pushing me ideas and inspiring me to do something big and mind blowing and im going kookoo thinking about it and well heres the vid.

past bedtime.

I'm falling apart, sanity-wise, and it's only a matter of time before I begin talking to food and the anemia, it's doing something strange and mysterious to me. why? who knows. life is a mystery. I slightly slap an itch off my leg and I bruise like a month old banana, I no longer have a fixed bedtime and im gradually becoming more and more obsessed with my insecurities, i'm frail and out of shape. I hope this doesnt come off as a depressive venting because i'm far from it, i'm just experiencing minor insomnia and i missed a good show tonight so i'm kinda agitated. i just wish i was in bed with my loverboy and i wish i wasnt broken....wahh wahhh. Anyways i have to go develop my film in the afternoon and hopefully meet up with some old flames (m.f.) so ill have those P.I. pics up by tomorrow, maybe. it's four am. =( shitman im kookoo

boy this night sucked.

zozobeans.

our last week.

I'm baaaaaaaaaack.

Those three long weeks can't be put into words and pictures just don't do it justice. I've seen the most bizarre and unfortunate and met the most appreciative and the most kind. Being lead into a world of poverty and hard times left me brokenhearted but to see genuine smiles on the truly needy showed me what a beautiful place it really was. Panoramic views and white sand beaches, mani-pedi's and full body massages, creepy crawlers and piglets, exotic fruits (mmm mango!) and exotic dancers. All I have to say is that I had a blast, everyday was a new experience and a different adventure, some that were even life threatening. I definitely learned a lot from this trip, about my family, about their culture and background, and having to see this lifestyle with my own eyes and live it really taught me to be more appreciative and overall a better person, you guys just have to know we really have it easy here. I missed home so much and I'm just so glad to be back with the people and dog I love the most.

There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

so long farewell ill miss you i love you bye bye.

It's time to marinate. I'll be back in three weeks and I'll bring all you guys some cool things so far everyone has requested monkeys. Hopefully they come in bulk. You're all cool with them being canned right?

today.

5 days.